Union Jane gets bar-punked

I’d only been in the UK for a short time at this point, and wasn’t aware of the confusion my favourite drink can cause. A seasoned drinker, I’ve become a huge fan of vodka and water with a wedge of lime.

This is a drink that is rather obscure in London, and barkeeps often mistake my request of a wedge of lime for the addition of lime cordial, which is putrid at best.

I tried to stop him when he reached for the seafoam-coloured bottle. But he just stuck up his hand and came back with the watery green-coloured mess.

Me, smiling and shaking my head politely: “No, I meant vodka-water and fresh lime.”
Eton Boy, irritated at being spoken to by someone without a British accent: “What? No, you’ll drink this.”
Me, taken aback by his insistence: “Well, no. That’s not what I ordered. I ordered vodka-water with fresh lime.”

He poured out the drinks and begrudgingly started again without listening to my directions. He then plunked two vodka-sodas in front of me.

Me, breathing deeply: “No, this is vodka-soda, I ordered vodka-water.”
Eton Boy, insistent: “No, you ordered this.”
Me, annoyed now: “No, I didn’t. If you had listened to me, you’d know that I didn’t.”
Eton Boy, being an ass: “Alright then. What do you want.”
Me, coolly: “Vodka with water, and a wedge of fresh lime.”
Eton boy, being a patronizing ass: “So that’s what you want? That’s what you REALLY want? Fine.”

He mixes the drinks – exactly as I ordered them – and plops them down in front of me.

Eton Boy, smugly, as if he’s really accomplished something: “There. That’ll be £12.”

I was appalled at his behaviour. He clearly was going to give us free drinks, but then when I made him look stupid (by exposing his jackass ways), he revoked that ‘privilege.’ Furthermore, being poor and not adjusted to the pound-conversion, I was gobsmacked at the price of two drinks. But the last thing I was about to do was give him the satisfaction of labeling me a poor little gold-digger, so I confidently and coolly shoveled over the cash, the majority of my spending money for the evening.