1) How did Chad Kroger‘s Spiderman single make it on the finale?
2) Revenge of the over-the-top-dancing gay stripper!
3) I’m willing to bet that 90% of the American Idol audience has no idea who Bryan Adams is or that the finalists were just singing his songs.
4) Seeing Carly Smithson again makes me sad. I thought I loved her more than I did but in reality she was just a Kelly Clarkson with an Irish accent. Mystery solved.
5) Where do they find all of Archuleta’s short-man blazers? I need them.
6) I like Donna Summers‘ new single. How embarrassing for me.
7) When was the last time ZZ Top saw their own faces?
Jordin Sparks is young in a way that’s adorable. Archuleta is young in a way that made me cringe when Mike Meyers made a puberty joke.
9) Why am I watching this?
10) I could not care less who wins this dumb show. David Cook will just get bubble-gummed to death. Archie would just sing songs about being a Mormon and loving it.
11) Where the fack are Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood?!
12) Why do the black contestants a) never make it as far as they should b) never have careers even after they win?
13) To the newf: please stop talking on the phone in the same room as the show. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
14) Gladys Knight makes me weepy. Midnight Train to Georgia is one of my favourite songs of all time.
15) I wonder what Downey Jr. thinks of himself right now. RIGHT NOW.
16) Did they just insinuate that Jack Black and DJr. pipped each other off-stage?? DJr. could do better…
17) CARRIE! I knew they wouldn’t let me down.
18) Frig, I love the Southern girls too much. Look how foxy she is (despite wearing Storm’s costume from the X-men cartoon)! The fact that she probably can also change tires on a pick-up truck whilst wearing stilettos makes me very sexually confused.
19) Thinking about leaving the newf to be Mr. Underwood.
20) Text message received re: 19 – “I’d leave [redacted] to shine her shoes”
21) George Michael’s Faith just got butchered by white-trash cropsy bumpkin and mumbles mchateseverythingtodowiththiscompetition.
22) In retrospect, the top 12 really wasn’t very good…
23) Haaaaaaaaay, George Michael! Not stoned or cruising this evening?
24) Are they really letting HIM close the show?
25) Not blogging the actual results because I so don’t care. The only thing swaying me is that I’d like Archie to win so his scary psycho stage-dad doesn’t hit him after the show…poor little guy.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
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I’m all for embarrassing myself but the effort of getting a VHS onto my computer onto the internet? Too much for my own defamation of character.
Dude, you have to post these videos now. It’s such a ct not too.
Post. The. Footage.
Please?
Moo?
They should definitely still report weather that way
Seriously, you were a little diva!
Your family sounds so adorable!
There are no bears in those trees…
(long story, but trust me, it fits your situation)
Rofl, that sounds fun! We never do anything like that (actually, that’s probably lucky….). And as for the little outbursts by you at the end, it reminds me of my sister trying to get a word in when I talk to my friends
I don’t think we made shows and recorded them, but I remember getting together with kids in the neighborhood and performing rollerskating shows. My parents still had an 8-track. So thankfully, none of it was caught on tape.
Oh, if only I could begin recounting the many times we put on shows at my house. Historical plays. Dance recitals. You name it. Thankfully, my parents didn’t believe in video cameras …
I lost a tooth when I was 5 and thought the time was ripe for a swan dive off my bike. I give myself a 9.2, points off for the landing.
I hope your mother’s forgiven you for stealing her thunder.
tho yeth. thith ith an athome thtory!!
It was a simpler time when we could refer to our women as foxes ansd not get slapped.
You are an awesome story teller.
Your yelling as a kid is how I think your dogs talk;
OKAY! WOOF! YES-YOU ARE HOME! OKAY! WOOF! THIS FOOD IS A VERY NICE FOOD, BUT YOU REMEMBER THE TREATS? THIS FOOD IS NOT AS GOOD AS THE TREATS! OKAY! WOOF! TREATS! THE ONES OVER THERE! WOOF! TREATS!
Fucking Mermanda took my idea. Okay, how about this:
I think you have a career as a morning disc jokey.
I know, not as good as yelling in all caps.
That’s totally something we would do. And in fact, I’m copying off the part’s of the antique musical score “Marjorie’s Christmas Dinner” and sending it to various and sundry family members to prepare for family vacation. Yes. I’m making them do it. And yes, they love me that much.
You like how I commented about me and nothing about you?
Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney flick because the witch is SUCH a bad ass! ^_^
Home videos are fantastic. I just watched an old video from when I was about nine, my sister four. My mom was filming our “cooking show”, which consisted of little sis trying to help me make cookies while I tried my best to ignore her. I think we’re all brats when we’re kids. ^_^
”the first of two times that I ever dressed in drag (again…I was four and wanted to be the witch in the family play – don’t question me – and the second time was for a high school project that I will discuss no further)”
so now why dont you tell us all about the second time lolx, btw even once caught a swing with my mouth,and that too infront of dozens of ppl, lolx
Apparently me trying to digitize your home videos via brain waves isn’t working, either, although I’ve only been at it for about 2 minutes.
My sister and I used to record ourselves being DJs and then play it back on double speed so we would sound like chipmunks. My sister would always end the show “GOODNIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!”
hee hee hee
And I know alll about Cape Breton winters.
Too funny.
I got lost in a department store once, and when the security guard and I found my father, he looked at the guard and said: “these damn kids! I can’t lose them! they always find me!”.
It was a couple of years before I let go of his belt loop in a store after that, lest he abandon me at Kmart.
regardless of if I deserved it, I *hated* being told to shut up by my dad.
it is still a personal pet peeve to this day.
So you were THAT kid?! You attention seeker, you.
Still so adorable.
Hahaha, I like how you called your dad a kiss-ass!
So were they your baby teeth that got knocked out or adult teeth? You totally should have got gold replacements. Pimpin’.
; )
Okay, I know I’m supposed to focus on things like you covering the weather w/cutout cows and going all Kanye on your mom but all I can focus on is the loss of the front teeth!
No, I’m not laughing at your pain–I got my 2 front teeth knocked out too and I always like finding other people who’ve lost theirs (yes, this is probably weird, I’m aware).
That was so cute…does every family have a crazy newscast..or is that just not a normal thing to do? (unless its my family and now yours)
I’m happy to hear your childhood was just as nerdy as mine. Did I tell you that my sister and I had a newspaper in elementary school? It always had a print run of one because it was handwritten…
Lifetime achievement award for being a fox for your mom and you? Stealing her limelight – too cute!
hillarrrrious, darling. but your speech reminds me of something… Joan Rivers? No, that can’t be right.
In your defense, if my mother had made the top news stories about my ability to catch things with my face, I would have interrupted her foxy-lady award receiving, too.
Your mom’s a fox! Who says fox? I suppose I’ll let him get away with it because that was like 20 years ago, and the 80s were a cruel decade.
OKAY! SO! YES! THIS IS A VERY NICE BLOG POST! YES! THIS BLOG POST IS NOT ABOUT THE WEATHER! YES! OKAY!
<3<3<3