If you are in need in some good, ole fashioned manliness after yesterday’s post that I still can’t believe I actually thought was a good idea, here it is…
This was my ride while I was out of town over the weekend.
First off, let’s get the obvious off the table. Could they have found me a bigger SUV without getting into Entourage-for-a-Rap-Star territory?
No. No they could not. And if you’re of the camp who says that size doesn’t matter – fools… - let’s get into the add ons that deserve special attention.
1) The Satellite Radio – awesome feature that lets you listen to just about whatever you’re in the mood for, right? Right. But this is not the case when your Chuck Norris SUV radio is stuck on NASCAR radio. NASCAR. That means hillbillies debating current events (okay…this part was kind of hilarious) and Kid Rock over and over and over and over.
2) The Killing Puppies Factor – yes, SUVs are bad enough for long-distance journeys…you know…earth-wise if you’re into that sort of thing. But THIS vehicle was not to be outdone by regular, peasant SUVs. You see, this one’s fan cannot be turned on without the air conditioning pumping in at full blast.
Basically you can choose between sweltering hot or a bone-chilling cold that makes you cry for a fur coat made of baby rain forest animals to warm you up because global warming just isn’t melting those ice caps fast enough.
3) After dropping off the vehicle, the newf, Nick and I went to see Transformers 2 which is two and a half hours of explosions and Megan Fox looking like a whore. So…pretty awesome.
This is where the manliness of the post starts to fall apart since I definitely commented on how long her make-up lasts while everyone else’s faces are cut to shreds and Nick complimented Optimus on his use of shoulderpads and called his weaponry “sassy”.
On the plus side, all three of us spent the rest of the night trying to transform our arms into plasma cannons to unleash our road rage.
It didn’t work no matter how good my sound effects were.