A couple of weeks ago my hilarious friend Nick mentioned that he was thinking about moving to Toronto. While I would miss him terribly and would never recommend moving to a city that smells like hot hobo urine all summer long, I’m not going to try to talk him out of a decision like that if it’s what he really wants to do.
Besides….free place to stay in Toronto? Hells yes.
Anyhow…he mentioned that he was thinking about getting a fresh start since all of his friends around here are settling down with houses and puppies and careers and junk. I don’t know how ever he could have gotten THAT idea.
Ahem.
Like I said, I won’t be the one to hold him back from going wherever he wants to go, but at the very least I can take note of what he’s saying and remember to act my age on occasion – to have fun and debauchery while I still have the ass to get drinks bought for me.
Did he just say that?
Yeah. I said it.
So Easter weekend we started bringing back the fun nights out that we used to be back in 2005. For better or for worse, it’s time to let loose again. For us, that means wearing knee-high running socks, high top sneakers, shorts that barely cover what they’re supposed to cover, and other horrendous Jane Fonda Work Out accessories so that we can groove all night to the best music of the 80s and 90s.
To be clear: we are not drag queens nor have we ever been drag queens…not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Retro Night at the Paragon Theatre was hands down one of the best nights out ever. I’m serious. We’re talking Come On Eileen, Take Me Home Tonight, Jessie’s Girl and so very many more. The entire night was a living, breathing 80s compilation album.
Please note: when in a business meeting with the VP of your company and The Paragon comes up, clarify whether he’s talking about the nightclub or the golf course before providing your input. LEARN FROM MY EMBARRASSING MISTAKES.
We did tequila shots with Racquel, I knocked half of one all over my cousin‘s scalloped, velvet, Blossom-style dress which meant we smelled like a frat party for the rest of the night, I unsuccessfully (for many reasons) hit on a gorgeous lesbian, and we all spent the bulk of the night trying to figure out who the hell thought no one would notice if they farted over and over and over in the middle of the dance floor.
WE NOTICED, STANKY!
The moral of the story is: it was awesome, the next morning sucked, and we’re already planning on upping our game for the next Retro Night.
My question for you is: how bad are the retro nights going to be in twenty years when all they have to choose from is T.I., Akon, and Girlicious?