It has been a WEEK. I am effword tired and have the personality of the bottom of your shoe after you step in shit. But on the plus side, I got my hair cut. So………….there’s that…
Right now, I’m sitting in the basement, guzzling wine like a sad socialite, and am hungry enough to be giving Theo looks that are making him nervous. Normally, hunger is an easy problem to fix but you see, I made a tactical error this evening.
Sometimes, just sometimes, two people who live together and love each other very much unintentionally drive each other to the point of pushing each other in front of moving vehicles or thinking about stabbing the other with a big knife made out of ice because once you do the deed, the evidence melts and none’s the wiser. Or something.
Cohabitators – can I get an amen?
So when I asked for some room on the couch that soooomeone was lying on, and soooomeone said, “be cute and kiss me and cuddle your way onto the couch instead of forcing me to move,” – I may have said something like, “or you could just move and I won’t rip off your flesh and feed it to you.”
Then soooomeone might have said something like, “you don’t have to be like that,” – and I may have gone in to be all nice like soooomeone asked me to until soooomeone said, “not like that! You’re supposed to..” – at which point I just stood up and said something like, “Just get the fuck out. Seriously.”
You know…standard we’re-in-love sort of stuff. There may have even been arm motions and facial expressions so nasty that they’d make Whoopi Goldberg change her name to Solemn Plainface.
Now this was all pretty standard for busy, grumpy weeks but in a new twist, the newf invaded MY fight time territory, meaning the upstairs which includes the kitchen, bedroom and warmth. This left ME stuck downstairs with nothing but the TV. Frankly I’m lucky that I had already grabbed my wine. So here I am…typing a blog post on my iPod…unwilling to apologize just for the sake of a snack that I don’t really need.
If you get anything out of this post, it should be to send Lunchables or ground troops…whichever’s handy.
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Bridget: We are nothing if not REAL.
Amy: Hahaha I'l often drown out his sci-fi with music on purpose, treating our neighbours to a blend of glee and explosions.
Amy: I'm not a good fighter. I majored in passive aggressivosity. I don't know if i could slam something if I tried. Maybe you and I should tutor each other to find middle ground haha
You're so…calm while pissed off. There is no “territory” when I'm mad. I'm like, a hurricane. You move to the bedroom? ME TOO. And I slam things.
Yeah, I'm a god damn treat to live with.
Yes yes yes, this happens to us all the time. I usually go sook in the loft. Then Peter takes over the living room playing stupid Duty Calls 11 or whatever the fuck it's called and I have to keep turning up the volume on The Hills (because I keep the DVDs hidden in the loft, because they're embarrassing, shhh Internet). Then he turns up the Xbox louder. Then I turn up the Hills louder. This continues until it gets so ridiculous we can't be mad any longer. I also enjoy a good temper tantrum involving throwing couch cushions.
I know, as usual, I am a day late (or three). This may even be my de-lurking comment.
Anyway, it's loving moments like these that make me think I want a relationship. I'm serious. The gooey-ooo-he-bought-me-flowers crap is boring.
So thank you. And I hope he let you eat at some point this weekend.
Which one of you is mommy and which one's daddy?
bahahahha…I have so been there – I usually lock myself in the bedroom and hope for him to fall asleep on the couch so I can then sneak out for food.
Oh how I can relate! It's been a bad time in my household lately. Stress city. Luckily I win the bedroom. Is it bad that I win every fight time space I choose as he runs away?
Eek.
Thanks for making me feel normal and human(ish)
Oh! I hate having to be all sulky and pigheaded in the wrong room!
Aww
hope he knows you didn't mean no harm so you don't have to apologize now and such. He, however, should bring you more wine + snacks again 
Lol. Amen. Except our home is one floor. And I never win fight space because she's all 'Let's talk about this' and then I get all 'OKAY LET'S START WITH HOW YOU'RE SO MEAN' and then she's all 'That isn't talking, that is shouting' which is usually when I go 'YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME *STOMPSTOMPSTOMP*. (I'm a sweetheart). Then I have to trap myself in the spare bedroom, which literally has NOTHING in it. Like, oh, hey, you can eat and watch tv and play on the computer and work out and I'll just read old text books because I'm stubborn as hell. Awesome.com.
maybe you guys should just get two couches.
Make up sex!
The best reason to fight.
Force him to move.
This is why God invented the baseball bat.
It was either him or Abner Doubleday..same thing, really.
Blame your Cape Breton side for that.
You could have just given her a hug and then there would have been no problem.
I'm assuming all this leads to make up sex.
i accept nothing but complete and total annihilation of your opponent.
you know this.
carry on.
Way to hold your ground, man! Don't give in or he'll know he won!
Lunchables are on their way. But you know lunchables will fuck up your innards so I would just apologize and snuggle up with sooooommeeeonnneee…
TOO funny… but I know exactly how you feel! Enjoy your wine, I wish I had some!
You should convert the basement into an awesome space in case this ever *gasp* happens again
That'll show the Newf (until he decides it's super awesome and forces you to be upstairs)
we have these days too. only my husband then is allowed to retreat to his awesome man cave while i'm trapped downstairs…usually without anything good on the DVR. Which then leads to me watching 16 and pregnant. again. sad.
Amen. But if you ever want to have sex again, I suggest you drop everything and apologize!
Amen, Brother Ben.
(I got a LOOK from Mr. POSSLQ when I loudly exclaimed “AMEN” whilst reading this post… I don't have a basement…)
Amen.
A FREAKING MEN!
I went out to dinner to avoid the DH. oooohhh that Martini was gooood!
Just go fucking apologize already. I can feel the angst from South Dakota. It's just a bad day. shake it off.
Solemn Plainface? Good God, how I love that line.