(Happy birthday Schwuler)Newf: Come with us to the hot tub?
Mom: No. I am a tired, old lady.
Newf: You don’t want to celebrate my birth?
Mom: Exactly. And I didn’t shave my legs.
Newf: I’m not going to be rubbing them
Mom: Then I have no reason to go.
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
Dearest Anonymous,
Thank you for your comment and for indicating that you clearly haven’t paid a second of attention to any of my other comments about the Twilight series. I have read all four books, I have recommended them and at times lent them out to friends, and I will happily go see the following three movies.
This is humour. You may not get it and that’s fine but holy cow, don’t take yourself so seriously. Lighten up and if you don’t like my approach on things, move on. I’m not losing sleep over the things in the Twilight movie that made me giggle and neither should you. It’s a book/movie. Some people will like it, some won’t.
You may not realize it but we’re on the same page except for your strange need to protect the Twilight’s integrity at all cost.
Love always.
*grabs big stick*
Back troll! BACK!
Who are you to critise someone’s work the film may have a few flaws but the book is written perfectly , If you think it was that bad why dont you make the film yourself , whoopie doo about the glitter . no one cares, and Carlise is portrayed that way in the book so if you have a problem so much take it up way stephaine mmeyer and Cathrine the director of Twilight , Personaly i enjoyed the film even with the flaws the tension and the romance is what the film was getting across no glitter and whos hair is what …
Ggggrrrrr i
I definitely, definitely agree with you on some of these. Especially the Carslile hair/face color. That was weird. And the sex scene in the fourth? Definitely going to be made into a bigger deal.
So when Edward showed himself on screen here, THEY STOPPED THE MOVIE due to tween screams. It was phenomenal. So I wrote about it.
http://whoinventedroses.com/2008/11/24/seeing-twilight-a-tale-of-survival/
why would ANYONE…anyone?…write a hate post in response to this? i think it’s hilarious. it makes me want to see the movie more, just to say “ben was right” under my breath every time i am disappointed.
that pleases you, doesn’t it?
dude, i’m so going this weekend. and i’m taking gummi bears and i am going to mock like i’ve never mocked before.
hahahaha.
oh, and i’ve read the books like one million times because if i can’t have a life of my own, i’d at least like to criticize a fictional one that everybody else wants.
the end.
I third the surprising diversity of Forks High School…..Hmmmm…more diverse than my high school in Massachusetts!
In other news: Ben’s PR Blog hits record numbers. The reason behind it? It mentions “Twilight”
Hahahahah
You know you’re nominated for a Canadian Blog Award, yah? Holla!
emmet shirtless would have been amazing. i vote on that for the next movie.
and i totally agree about the sun/glitter business, that needs to change.
I can’t wait to see the movie. Everything I’ve seen as me convinced it’s meant to be a comedy. I’m going to go ready to laugh…maybe I’ll go drunk.
I’m with you on a town that size having such a diverse student body. My hometown has less than 4,000 people and I can tell you, it was not diverse at all!!!
I’m only on the second book but am suddenly wishing I was on the 4th!
I have not read any of the Twilight books. I probably won't go see the movies and I'll probably get stoned for that. That being said? I <3 you, Ben. You make me laugh even when I know nothing about what you're writing about.
True, BUT I don’t want to hear all about the lame effects because I don’t want to go in with any preconceived notions.
I would gladly lick the sparkle off Edward…
Just get me close enough!
Oh no oh no oh no!!!! I want to read your review but I haven’t seen the movie yet. Damn it…. What do I do!?!?! Ahhhh!!!
I absolutely agree about the lack of shirtless scenes! They could have at least added in a few shots!!
I have to say that these books/movie(s) sound pretty darn terrible in a Harry Potterish sort of way… you know if you actually read a few chapters, the characters would make you want to read on, while simultaneously torturing you with the bad writing… or something…
Pretty sure I think Anne Rice is a hack, too… I don’t know if there has been a really good vampire book since Dracula.
1.) YES! I was poking Tia and whispering, “Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies glow… and vampires sparkle?” Twinkle tinkle, no.
2.) How horrible was that? And the climbing? Disappointed.
3.) MORE TOPLESSNESS! Always.
4.) Yes!
5.) Really, why even wear shirts in this movie?
6.) He was so strained. Cute.
7.) Hooray! In theory.
8.) Sex!
9.) Do you think they are going to combine parts from more than one book? And how is Jacob going to grow impossibly tall, built, and hot?? Riddle me THIS.
10.) Aww, it’s like Disneyland!
(P.S. I will be in Seattle in a little bit, and I am totally taking a side-trip to Forks. How many 13-year-old girls do you think I’ll see??)
Hooray Twilight! Laughable, but fun.
there’s a sex scene? With vampires? and a girl?
Excuse me I have to go buy a book.
The glitter was pretty lame, I will have to agree on that. I even said that in the theater when girls swooned. LAME. Also, very good points here, especially about the running.
You brought up some interesting points I overlooked during the movie. I enjoyed the movie. I was happy walking out. My real disappointment wasn’t with the acting or the special effects (for goodness sake, it was a low budget film. The next ones will be impressive) it was that some of my favorite scenes were removed. They were unimportant to the storyline, but they were what I enjoyed the most out of the book and look forward to the most out of the movie. I went with a couple of friends (and the husband) who haven’t read the books. They all liked it. One of my friends even made mention is was nothing she had seen before (story line). The boys’ favorite character? Charlise. I didn’t see that coming.
I could definitely do with more naked maleness… at least Jacob will be half naked throughout the majority of New Moon.
I’m kind of disappointed that I read this now. I was really looking forward to the movie, knowing that it was not going to be as good as the book of course, but still excited. Now i’m sort of disappointed before i even see it.
I love the Twilight series though so i’m gonna see it no matter what.
I missed the train on the whole “Twilight” thing, much the same as I missed it on “Harry Potter.”
I’m lucky I even read Goosebumps and Fear Street.
haha. i wish we could’ve seen it together!!!
I didn’t read the book (yet) nor do I have the desire to watch the movie…until NOW because this post was hilarious. I can’t wait until I watch the movie (though not on MY dime) just so I can make fun.
I never read the books. And therefore loved the movie in all my ignorant bliss.
Totally disappointed and unimpressed.
BLAH.
(but seriously, not enough James with no shirt on!)
I’m with Nilsa…I know nothing about twilight.
so I’ll just say hi.
Good thing I didn’t read the title to this post, nor did I read the Twilight book series, nor did I see the movie. That way, I was utterly confused with each and every observation.
Glitter=lame, because really–who doesn’t want to be glittery all the time? That sounds like a vampire plus to me, not a minus.
Also I was wickedly happy to tell my friends that Bella would not become a vampire (yet) and she would not be having vampire sex with Edward (yet).
ALSO I gave you an award today. If you are into that type of thing, swing by my blog to pick it out.
You’ve convinced me to stay home. I have been vacillating about seeing this movie for weeks. You just helped me make my decision. Thanks Ben!
Thank you for seeing this movie so I don’t have to. When it comes to Vampires, I’m Buffy loyal, and it took her a long time to dethrone Ann Rice. Of course, I could go so far as to say that if it’s not Bram Stoker, it’s crap, but I think he needed a little improvement.
Ben how I love you. You echoed my exact thoughts on this movie. The glitter looks like they put spray glue on him and threw glitter in his face. Lame.
Bella for two hours may just kill me. My hope is that Jacob will be able to carry the movie.
Can we also please discuss the ridiculous bit of overacting on her part in the hospital scene.
Overall I was happy with it but now that they’ve green lighted New Moon they need to take the criticism to heart and fix some of the glaring problems.
Damnit – thats it – I’m going to go see this movie. Blogland is obsessed.
I’m sensing a lot of disappointment from fans. Disappointment that could have been remedied with more male toplessness.
And I STILL can’t get into this whole Twilight craze. It’s not for me I guess.
But I do like glitter.
I laughed the whole time along with the whole audience at the horrible acting. I just didn’t like the movie at all. I really thought the story line was going to be way better and it wasn’t by any means. It seemed like they were trying to get in so much but yet they left holes everywhere. My hubby didn’t read the book and he said the movie sucked but still wants to read the book.
I just finished the book. Actually, My Little Pony sparkles were exactly what I imagined Edward would be like in the sun.
God. I wish I could sparkle like that.
Edward just looked very sweaty to me, not glittery. Which since he’s all pale and pasty looking, made him look sickly, like an escaped hospital patient.
They need to get rid of the speed effects. Just have them pop up somewhere else. Don’t vampires move so quickly they can’t be seen?
Jacob will make the second movie interesting. I thought it was the only decent book, because there was almost no Edward.
I second the motion that James come back for the second movie. There should be lots and lots of flashbacks.
See, I feel like I should read the book first, despite the fact that I feel like I more or less already know everything about the film. Because, you know, I like to be smug.
I’m a little peeved that they didn’t show Jasper’s power, or mention it, at all. Also a little peeved that Tyler didn’t exist in the film AT ALL, and (and this is picky) that Bella had her jacket on during the restaurant scene. I generally liked it, but I knew going in that the effects were going to be super cheesy so I tried NOT to let me piss me off. It only did a little.
Does this post mean you don’t approve this movie? LOL
Bahaha. The glitter effect WAS terrible. Actually, most of the special effects were bad…however…I really liked the movie! I thought it was a fun adaptation. But, yes, more male’s needed to take off their shirts. STAT.
I skimmed this because I’m going to see it tonight, but my gosh – am I excited.
I kinda hope it’s so bad it’s good.
The makeup was totally horrendous. I don’t remember Edward wearing matte lipstick from 1997?
I totally agree with the Carlisle statement. He was just way way too pale, even for a vampire.
And what? There is sex in the 4th book? Really? I can’t wait to get there. It better be vampire sex.
The glitter? Lame. The vampire speed? Lame. Carlisle? Lame.
It just didn’t live up to the hype for me.