It’s finally here! The much-anticipated testicle day is here!
Thank you all for your kind words regarding the potential for a Balls-out Friday here at No Ordinary Rollercoaster. Your faith in my content choices makes me dance in the pants.
Regretting it yet?
Me too.
But sometimes, you just really have to party for the fact that you have testicles. Just ask Theo who as of yesterday morning doesn’t have any (That’s what you get for being an adorable but horrendously irritating puppy – we chop off your delicate bits…). Now he’s all sooky and drugged up whining because he doesn’t have as much to lick back there anymore and humping is more of a chore than the fun it used to be.
Sure, on occasion balls can provide a source of gut-wrenching pain. Sure, it can get pretty warm down there in the summer. Sure, you may never understand exactly where to put them if you ever find yourself in a speedo (Alex, gimme a call). But hey, what would we do without ‘em?
Let’s not find out.
Instead, let’s all take part in a celebration of the boys down below! YES, celebrations exist for testicles and YES, sometimes they take place in the light of day, and YES, sometimes they even raise money for and awareness of the number one cancer killer among men in their twenties and thirties.
A former classmate of mine, Michael “The Genius” Kydd, has been working hard all year for this Saturday’s second annual Nuts4Ribs cook-off. He spearheaded the inaugural event last year and raised over $23,000 for testicular cancer research. Crazy…So this year, I’m sure the nuts will be bigger and the ribs will be better.
They should definitely use this as their tagline: Nuts4Ribs 2008: It’s an inuendo! It’s a good cause! It comes with food! Everybody wins!
This is clearly the most excited my little vegetarian brain gets for an event focused entirely on meat and testicles (sorry, I hadn’t said the word in a while and I want to get my money’s worth out of this testicle-post). Oh yes, my friends, I’ll be there on the Bedford waterfront with my wieners (I may not be able to eat ribs, but you know I can supply phallic animals!) for the music, the cook-off, the eating contest, the regatta, the beer and just maybe the delicious scones that come with the newf’s ribs.
Oh. And for more opportunities for thinly veiled testicle puns.
You’d be nuts to miss it!
Grab your meat and come on down!
heh…heh…heh….
balls….
I got a disapproving comment the last time I wrote about Nuts4Ribs. ‘Cause you know….cancer awareness is horrendous and nuts is such an offensive word.
If this post offended you, gimme a break.
Any cancer awareness is good cancer awareness. If we can’t talk about it, we’re doing ourselves a disservice. Know the signs, know when to ask your doctor. Save your life.
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Ben. I adore you but you make me fall head over heels for the Newf. Not only do I feel like I could bond with him over the fact that we are both teachers, but I once signed up a boyfriend for a 10 week oil painting class, so we both have that whole ‘we sign people up for things they are going to hate” thing going on. Which really, if you have that quality, you need to find likewise people so you can bond over the fact that there is such people (ie you, my ex-boyfriend) who don’t like the idea of water aerobics or 3 hour Monday night oil painting lessons.
Ummm…
Water Arobics are amazing. You’re missing out.
Most people just end up peeing where they’re not supposed to pee when they’re drunk. Is the newf aware of this?
Wow…..well that oughta be interesting.
lol! I bet he’s funny while intoxicated!
what’s your issue with not wearing a swimsuit in public?
haha i think that is one of the most random intoxicated plans i’ve ever heard of.
What if water aerobics opens up some doors for you two find a third for that threesome?? Hm? Hm?
Drunk behavior is sometimes totally different then life behavior. I sometime start fights drunk. So I need to keep that in check.
I liked Peter’s comment=)
There is no way I would be doing Water Aerobics either!!!
He is a mad genius. I hope my B doesn’t read this post… he might get some ideas…
You could be that guy thats fully clothed in the pool with a shirt on.
Classy.
Ha! He doesn’t really want to do that does he? I mean…when he’s sober?
And what is this signing each other up for stuff thing you speak of anyway?! I couldn’t get Todd to go to the gym with me, if my life depended on it.
water aerobics are fun….
if you enjoy chilling with people 3 times your age. :p
All you aquafit haters can get bent. Aquafit is the SHIT, Ben! Am I biased because I’m a fattie? Perhaps. But all the hottest, gayest instructors at the Y teach Aquafit. Eye candy and a break from gravity? HELL YES.
Ben, that’s freaking hilarious! That’s kind of how I felt when the husband signed us up for volleyball knowing I can’t play.
He was nearly castrated when he said I needed to practice.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Water aerobics? Really? Where does he come up with these things!?!?
I find that if my hubs has had a few drinks and I haven’t yet I get insanely jealous. So I start shooting the booze into my mouth to catch up faster than a rabbit humping (not sure how I came up w/ that one, all I know is that rabbits hump really fast). There’s no way he’s going to get to have a good buzz w/o me!!!
Oh No!!! My friend Jenn signed up for water aerobics with her husband and the entire class was made up of OLD LADIES in swim caps.
You don’t want to do that!!!
Ugh. This post just brought back the ugly early memories of enduring Cokebaby drunker than me. Thankfully, age and selective hearing have worked to change that. After ten years of marriage something had to make it go away…
Oh Honey, I don’t think you’re going to like water aerobics. I mean, you feel hot and youthful. BECAUSE everyone is 100 and saggy. On second thoughts, I may sign myself up.
Don’t worry everyone in your water aerobics class will be at least 75 years old, so you won’t have to feel uncomfortable not being fully clothed.
i saw your tweet about this over the weekend and i laughed out loud.
hey, my preggers friends are doing water aerobics, it’s all the rage with the maternity set….
ahahhahahahaha OH MAN. It’s going to be all women over 70! And then you two stud muffins!
but you’d look SO CUTE in a speedo!!!!
And now there are three of us who would like to debate the dubiousness of your exercise regiment being “an organized sport.” This make “Dancing with the Star” akin to Roller Derby.
Don’t forgte the water wings and nose clip.
Hey some exciting things happen in the water –trust me I work at a gym
!
Wouldn’t it be hill-are-e-ous if people always wore name tags saying the things they despise most? Hi, my name is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATES WATER AEROBICS, and then you wore it to class.Then you’d jump in face first (trying to drown), but instead all your fears were all to cliched ‘washed away’ and your name tag faded just as your inhibition lessened.
yeah that’d be cool but it’s not going to happen.That was a product of procrastination –which as you can probably guess I’m practicing in FULL effect. Eventually , I’ll stop talk, and dance. Naked.
Or maybe I’ll end with get drunk THEN go swimming–but not in your urine.
I’m right there with peter…
how in gods green earth is water aerobics an organized sport?
Here you go, you are going to need these;
http://tinyurl.com/dh8zoy
hee hee
Bahahaha…
I second Daisee 579; when I think “water aerobics” or “aqua fitness”, I think of corpulent old ladies bobbing around like buoys in a sea of denial.
Feel free to use this comment in your rebuttal of the Water Aerobics Proposal.
Ok then; we know what the next vlog entry will be about!! Newf and Ben sync swimming…
As for the next post: why Ben is against threesomes with the newf!!
Oh my god water aerobics
I lol’ed so bad I actually cough 
Not even tempted for a tiny bit of trial, Ben?:P
I have participated in a water aerobics class exactly once in my life. I was conned into it by my friend who taught it. There was a promise of beer, what was I supposed to do? It was not fun. I felt like a giant tool. I will never, ever repeat the stunt, so I fully support your getting out of this ill-advised Newf plan by any means necessary.
although water aerobics sounds lame it will give you a great work out. Think of the bod you could be rocking then…just wear a tshirt with your swim shorts
I can’t imagine water aerobics not drawing the over 60 bathing cap crowd. I would think that the class would be thrown into chaos by two hot, 20-something dudes (Yes, that’d be you and the newf) suiting up and splashing down. I’d love to get at least one blogsworth of writing about THAT adventure.
HAHAHAHA…water aerobics?
That’s odd. I’ve never actually KNOWN anyone who does water aerobics.
Uh…give the newf a drink and talk him into something else.
P.S. I thought you also hated Sci-Fi?
Let us know if you get out of it…if not…POST PICS!!
I don’t know about Canada, but in Arkansas where my parents used to live, water aerobics was for 9000 year old women and 900000 pound peoples.
You seriously have to go and post videos for us. You, the newf, and the 9000000 pound ladies!
Reverse psychology usually works lol x
Oh, the shame!
So many things are going through my head right now…There are still water aerobics classes? They aren’t limited to 60-year-old women with bathing caps? I’m sorry? It could be fun?
You consider water aerobics to be organized sports?
My friend, that may be the gayest thing you’ve ever posted.
“You know how it is: dodge stupid question, appease over-the-top requests for attention…”
Yes. I do know how it is. On Friday we had some friends over and after they left I went to bed.
J on the other hand sat outside and sang along (at the top of his voice) to ABBA and talked to Lila and Rusty and every now and again he’d pop his head through the bedroom window and ask me if I’m mad at him.