This is exactly why I don’t bother with a blogroll. If I were to simply pop This typing makes me sound busy into a sidebar, most of you would have missed out on what might be one of the greatest blog posts ever written.
…She has a dog named for a luxury brand and knows exactly how many black people have been in her home……”The Carolina grads took all the jobs at Starbucks.”…
…No–I wanted to bang on the door and tell her–if I hadn’t been on the business end of cosmic sodomy, I would’ve awakened this morning and brushed one of Hugh Laurie’s stray chest hairs off my 22,000 thread count sheets…
Due to the sheer power of the post containing these gems, I am not posting anything today. Not as a protest to my own inability to come up with the term “cosmic sodomy”, but rather in appreciation of sheer awesomeness.
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so sorry. The kickassness of my childhood can no longer be contained!
I wish my childhood had been half as awesome as yours. Family news broadcasts, awesome races, Ben in drag…seriously, up until now I didn’t realize that my childhood was lame and I’m blaming you for forcing me to see that.
Adorable
When I was 5 I played on a soccer team and by played I mean I picked flowers and practiced my twirling skills.
That does not an athlete make
You play dirty.
Nice, that sounds….interesting? Families….gotta love ‘em.
Once again, awesome descriptions!
LOVE this post. I just love it.
Oh man, that’s the best thing ever. I love that they kept trying to get you back in the race when you were so clearly not even paying attention. So cute.
Hopes of becoming a race horse dashed at an early age. That’s tragic. Thanks for that…could always use a good laugh in the mornings
Thank you for brightening my day! I just laughed so hard I cried!
Family broadcast? Family plays? We did family puppet shows, but we never got to do the BIG TIME!
And you’re not a loser if you didn’t even try. See?
I can’t believe your grandfather smoked you in the face. I would have ugly cried too.
Ooh! I’ll cheer on the race. Can I wear one of those big hats that the ladies to at the Kentucky Durby?
And last, but not least, congrats on all the nominations. You deserve them all!
i wish i had more memories of my childhood. i dont mean im big or anything, am still a teenager. but i mean 3-5 year old me.
btw congra for your nomination and it was a great post like all others you write
I love that your own grandfather smoked you in the face, but I am sorry that you ugly cried.
This doesn’t mean that I would object to seeing the video… or any of them for that matter!
I became a pro at ugly crying. It was the only way to really get what I wanted…. and let’s face it I GOT EVERYTHING I WANTED.
Winnie the Pooh was overrated. Eeyore on the other hand..underrated.
I want to adopt lil’ you and just spend the day pinching your cheeks…
I’m also with Peter. Family News Broadcast! Tomorrow at 11!
P.S. Congrats on sweeping the nominations! You are such a blogging rock star.
I still can’t believe I posted that video of me dancing to BSB for a contest.. but because I did it. You should post your video too.
Duh
That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever read.
My parents are completely technology-illiterate and thus never had things like video cameras when I was a kiddo. Stories like the time I was chased by wild turkeys in Florida are the countless reasons I’m glad for their illiteracy. Stories like this, however, are reasons I wish they had jumped on the video camera band wagon.
You never fail to make me laugh early in the morning, even before I’ve had any caffiene. I think Racquel said it best–that is a pretty fracking adorable mental image.
i’m with peter– we need video of that family news broadcast!
Aaaww that picture of the horses scared me, I’m afraid of those freaky beasts.
I love that your grandpa hit you in the face with a snowball. not that I want you to get hit in the face but that is some funny stuff.
That’s a pretty fracking adorable mental image. It’s also a pretty accurate description of how you are now, too, only with more gin and Beyonce references.
It took them until the end of the race to realize that you’d wandered into the forest?
You know, I’d have told them you touched a stump while you were in there and beat everyone else. And then remind them that they never specified which stump and then proclaim your victory on the grounds that the rules were unclear.
Is there a picture of this anywhere?
You were just saving your wins for the future, when they really count. Mind you, you had a shrub bouquet, and they had nothing to show for their stump-touching, so that’s kind of made of win.
Oh, Benjamin, do you need a hug?
My dad videotaped me mowing the lawn on a riding mower the very first time. I suppose he was proud, but the video just follows me with a look of sheer panic on my face as I navigate the front yard. I suppose in some ways it’s nice that that was one of the family videos that was destroyed in our house fire in 1996. No evidence to hold against me years later.
That sounds a lot like how I used to be as a kid… Sort of oblivious to everything else that’s going on around me.
^_^ I love kid stories.
Congrats on all your 20sb award nominations!
I think that “the race” illustrates the very beginning of the ride that is “No Ordinary Rollercoaster”.
Kudos for not following the crowd and doin’ what The Man had planned!
Nice try, fella. But do you think that you are going to be allowed to drop a nugget like “family news broadcast” and just hide it in a bunch of other fun anecdotes?
No dice.