I’m just going to come out and say it: I would run over any other celebrity and possibly my relatives and best friends with my car if it meant getting to spend the day loving up on Kelly Clarkson.
Neil Patrick Harris? Good luck with that broken leg.
Anne Hatheway? That arm can be reattached.
Miley Cyrus? Just stay down – you’re better off.
Usually I’ll like the music I want to like within the privacy of my own home and then feel out the general public so I’m not seen as liking something lame – I’m not falling into that Lou Bega trap all over again, damnit. But not with Kelly – oh no. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my fangirldom when it comes to her as evidenced by the many times I have mentioned it on this very blog. More than that – I will straight up fight you if you try to tell me she a) is not talented, b) can’t sing, c) doesn’t have the coolest personality ever in life.
Seriously. Bring it. I’ve got a rusty shank with your name all over it.
I liked her lame, watered-down American Idol constrained first album. I liked her angsty teenaged girl second album. I even liked her give Clive Davis a heartattack and a lifetime of regrets third album. Her live performances on YouTube make me flustered and I’ll watch any interview she’s ever done including those ones in Asia that make absolutely no sense to me.
What I’m trying to say here is that she has a new single (My Life Would Suck Without You) and I’ve listened to it ohhhh…about 33293484 times already. I’ve also squealed and clapped my hands like a fat kid on his birthday every single time. My love for her runs that deep.
Oh – and I’ve sworn on a block of marble cheese that I will do everything humanly possible to see her in concert during her next tour. That means I’m totally taking advantage of blogger couches to make this happen. Nick, my partner in trying to make liking teen girl music okay, and I will likely be driving down to catch her concert in Boston (do you love that I’ve planned this all out without knowing if she’s actually going to tour?) at which point we will sleep with anyone who can put us up for a night. Bow chica wow wow.
Or, if that doesn’t float your boat, we will sleep with you if you refuse to put us up for a night. Slap that in your pipe and smoke it!
Actually…I have relatives that we could stay with in Waltham but I really don’t know if they’d be able to handle the amount of energy I save up purely for loving Kelly. So if you’re looking for a night to remember or just plenty of blog material, you prepare a couch for your own personal Will and Jack who will be hopped up on Kelly Clarkson music and Reeces Pieces.
And remember before you comment, bitches. I WILL CUT YOU IF YOU MAKE FUN OF KELLY.
NOT KIDDING.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Just stumbled across this by accident, but I just wanted to say I will give you more than a broken leg for Neil Patrick Harris, especially if he happens to be in his Dr. Horrible costume. And I don’t care if he’s gay I’ll get a strap-on.
I’ll let you have him as long as you describe it all in detail.
And I think you know damn well what ‘it’ refers to.
Great stuff! I’m a huge Kelly Clarkson fan too. I was lost in her music yesterday and thought, “This girl may have the greatest voice of all time.” She isn’t self-indulgent like some singers and there’s an honesty to her and her music that lights up the room.
I loved her third album, ironically, the best. Her studio pretty much killed its chances but if anyone goes back and listens to it – it’s one of the best albums ever made. Each song flows perfectly into the next and it’s just crazy sexy.
Glad to read about someone else sharing love of Lady Kelly!