I know you all know Theo as the lovable, rambunctious puppy who causes trouble and falls into the inner workings of my home heating system. But some of you newcomers may not know my more stable and reliable pup, Calvin. Look – he’s the cutest.
But where Theo decides to implement schemes of mass destruction or home renovation, Calvin just slowly pushes me toward an early grave through a series of ill-timed, always-on-a-Sunday dramatics that send me speeding to the after-hours emergency animal hospital and credit card debt.
The first time, he convinced me he broke his spine when really he was stung by a bee to the tune of $200. The second time, he limped around while giving me googly eyes until I caved and spent another $200 to find out that he was fine. Or at least that he would be until we got home at which point I would make him panhandle back my money.
So, overnight on Saturday, given that our regular, expensive-enough vet office was closed, Calvin decided to be all, “I CAN’T STOMACH ANY FOOD WHATSOEVER! OR WATER! OR AIR! I’M JUST GOING TO KEEP RETCHING ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR AND GETTING ALL FLAKY IN-NEED-OF-HEAD-AND-SHOULDERS SKIN UNTIL MY FUR COMES OUT IN TUFTS, MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A CRAZY-FACE.”
But me? I decided to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of my blogger soulmates and basically said DEAL WITH IT.
So Calvin upped the ante and was all, “LOOK AT MY FULL BODY TREMBLES AND SPUTTERY DIARRHEA POOPS AND INABILITY TO EVEN DRINK WATER! WATCH AS I REFUSE ANY FOOD YOU OFFER EVEN IF IT’S MARINATED, BEEF-FLAVOURED UNICORN WRAPPED IN BACON.”
But I said no. No – I would not cave this time. Concerned? Sure. Willing to wait until regular vet hours? Absolutely.
So Calvin, in some sort of sick puppy End Game, went all, “I’M GOING TO NOT MOVE AT ALL FOR A FULL DAY AND JUST LOOK AT YOU WITH SAD EYES AND ACT ALL PASSY-OUTY AND POTENTIALLY DIE-Y. SUCK ON THAT, HOMO.”
But I figured I’d be smart about it. I called the animal hospital in an effort to avoid hundreds of dollars spent just to be told to watch him for 24 more hours before doing anything. Instead, they basically said, “Ummmm…seriously? He hasn’t eaten or drank for 24 hours and you’re just going to chill until tomorrow? You should be shot with twenty-five tazers” and made me feel all kinds of guilty.
So obviously I made up for lost time by being all, “OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS! I’M GOING TO ROCK YOU BACK AND FORTH IN MY ARMS WHILE WHISPERING SWEET NOTHINGS INTO YOUR SICK, FLOPPY EARS. THEN I’LL HAVE FIVE CONSECUTIVE HEART ATTACKS FOLLOWED BY EIGHT STRESS-INDUCED STROKES AND WORRY MYSELF INTO IRRITABLE BOWEL TERRITORY AND GET HOSPITALIZED TO THE POINT OF NEEDING OPEN-HEART SURGERY AND THANKS TO O-BLOODY-CANADA IT’LL STILL COST LESS THAN WALKING IN THE DOOR AT THE EMERGENCY ANIMAL HOSPITAL.”
And the newf decided to be all, “I’M DRINKING UNTIL ALL OF THIS RESOLVES ITSELF.”
And Theo decided to be all, “YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS. I’M SLEEPING AND BEING CUTE.”
And Calvin decided to be all, “I AWAIT THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH.”
So, without delay, I was once again sent hurtling toward the emergency animal hospital armed with credit cards and no sense of limits to what I’ll do or spend to make sure my boys are okay.
‘Cause that’s what pet owners do.
The real update: The doctor who looked after Calvin was incredible. It doesn’t look like anything is lodged in his tummy which is good news and he believes the gastro stuff to be just that – some sort of nasty bug. Bloodwork, however, did show some areas for concern that could make him more susceptible to such things.
His protein and cholesterol levels are lower than they should be which may mean he needs a different diet or treatments to figure out why his body is having a hard time absorbing what it should be absorbing. Or, on the other hand, to determine where the proteins are being lost as they go through.
I left Calvin at the hospital overnight on an IV to get his fluid levels back up and will bring him to our regular vet first thing in the morning for more monitoring and food testing. Hopefully he’ll be discharged by the end of tomorrow but we’ll have to wait and see.
What I hope comes out of this, will be an improved understanding of what his body needs and how to make sure he gets it after two years of struggling to find the right balanced nutrition.