What would you say if I showed you a picture of a beautiful, snowy landscape – smooth, untouched, glistening snow reflecting the light of the stars in the clear winter sky above?
If your answer was anything but “SUCK IT, WINTER!” then you can get the hell off my blog.
Seriously. Get lost.
I don’t want the likes of you winter-loving sons of bitches reading anything more that I have to say. I don’t care if you live in some warm, beautiful place that never sees even the tiniest of snowflakes and experiencing a real winter is your only dream in life. Quite frankly, if you find any comfort or enjoyment in winter, I do not approve of your lifestyle.
It seems this year that we’ve been pummeled with either 20-30cm of snow or freezing rain that coats my life in a world of pain on an almost weekly basis. That means that I’ve spent the bulk of my time over the past month and a half:
a) shoveling
b) nursing sore muscles from shoveling
c) slipping and falling
d) getting freaked out by some serious swelling after slipping and falling
e) hating everything.
That wasn’t a quiz. I have been doing all of those things. The situation certainly isn’t helped by the fact that I don’t do winter sports, that the new year means it’s no longer okay to over-eat and blame it on the holidays, or that Starbucks seems to be running out of their Gingerspice flavour syrups.
Next year I’m going to winter in Florida with the rest of the senior citizens. They get me.
As for this year? I’m going to be wrapped up in a blanket scowling until spring. And be warned…I’m going to slap the stupid out of anyone who leaves a comment that’s about anything other than how much winter sucks.