Yes – I’m back.
Thank you, thank you.
Rejoice while you can, internet, for I have returned with a grave task should you choose to accept it which I’m really hoping you will so that you can put me out of my misery. I’m losing sleep. My eyes have gone blurry. I’ve never had so little faith in Google.
I need your help to find the world’s douchiest song.
Okay, here’s the backstory. In Cuba, there was a group of gentlemen (read: idiots) that I lovingly (read: sarcastically) named the Energy Jocks. They were all in their late teens/early twenties, they all wore basketball jerseys and high tops at all times, and they all loved to chant about stuff. And chant, they did. From the marvel of creating fire using a lighter, to the hypermasculinity of dancing together in a circle while each member took a turn doing push-ups in the center, they constantly regaled the rest of us with a spirited (read: obnoxious) “OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!”.
Ah yes…the Energy Jocks were truly everything I love to hate to love.
When we got home on Sunday, I believed the nightmare to be over. My morbid fascination bordering on hypnotization with their embarrassing culture of shitheadery would be broken by geography. Yet here I am…thinking of them morning noon and night.
Why?
Because I can’t find the goddamn song they kept requesting at the disco every night and even though I hated it and it sounds like the song form of Red Bull and Herpes, my failure at figuring out what the song is continues to fuel my inexplicable need to find it.
I’ve Googled. I’ve Yahooed. I’ve iTunes. I’ve Billboarded.
Nothing.
So I reach out to you, internet. Help me find the douche anthem that I’m thinking of and I’ll give you a prize of some sort. It’ll be good. Maybe I’ll even perform the Energy Jock dance in full and post a video of it. I mean I don’t know…weirder things have happened.
Help?
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Dutchess: I should buy one for a blog giveaway haha
Hillary: IT’S TRUE!
“You do not “come out with a new fruit” the way Nike makes a new shoe each quarter” = why I love you
OMG a Pomcot? Seriously? I have no more words to explain my disillusion.
Bahahahaha…
This entire thing made me laugh. Thanks for sticking up for me. I defy anyone here to believe that I chose almost six and a half hours at Upper Clements with a bunch of scary kids in throes of puberty to drinks on one of Hali’s main drags!
I also had trouble explaining the blind date I had with the gay blogger who writes about dogs and how much he hates the general public. No, “hate” isn’t the word I want… how about “notices”?
Ok, first, I would have invited you if I thought you would have wanted to come. Second, the person behind the pomcot conversation had no idea it would have caused such a stir, he feels a little embarrassed yet somewhat shamlessly proud. Please keep him in mind when in need of material.
So glad your blogger friend was stranded with underprivileged teens, and no, I don’t care how that sounds.
My favourite part was when you said the newf had to be home in time to watch Reba.
I stumbled on a truly hideous fruit coupling in an LA grocery store… An apple that tasted like a grape. They called it a “Grapple” (pronounced GRAY-PULL). Major ew factor. Not to mention pointless.
I would rather the $20 bills NOT be lit on fire….
Sounds like you had a fun night, even though it didn’t turn out as planned. Which still makes it a good night.
I choked on my water when I read Pomcot and had half the office running over to see if I was ok while I desperately attempted to close the window so I wouldn’t get caught ‘not doing work’.
Ahhhh, good times you are!
I love walking into a friends b-day party you weren’t invited to.
“What are you doing here?”
“Um, stuff, yeah.”
Not awkward.
You’re effing awesome! And I say that w/o my usual sarcasm.
designer fruit means that we are truly living in the future.
Sorry you got “stood up” but at least she had a good excuse!
Epic cleavage usually conquers all.
Well, I woke up SOBBING this morning (you know that ugly cry where your face is all bunched up? Ya that’s the one). Must have had some bad dream!
Anyway, Pomcot?! Really?! And ya, who “comes up” with new fruits?
Let’s make sure we have a good story to tell people when we meet. my friends don’t know I blog
and i wouldn’t want it any other way! if the real ben isnt like the blog ben what a nasty nasty toll that would take on my heart.
happy friday – today IS a good day.
Erica: My friends made a Grapple pie. It tasted… alright. They don’t cook down as well as regular apples, and they need more sugar because the natural sugars don’t bake out as well. Plus, they’re expensive! It’s $5 for four apples: it cost them $20 to make one pie. EEP. But they taste alright on their own.
I’ve never heard of a Plumcot, but I marvel over Grapples (grape/apple) every time I go to the grocery store! One of these days I WILL buy one.
Also, standing up internet dates? How rude!
meeting a blogger is exactly like a blind date, I had the same problem with my first meetup, walked into the huge bar and realized that I had NO clue what my bloggers looked like.
EPIC FAIL
And if anyone is going to come out with a new fruit it’s going to be Apple, you know, iFruit….
I know I know, I’ll put myself in the corner for that one. Somethings just shouldn’t be said out loud.
Bwahahaha, you never fail to get me laughing out loud at work. I wish I could just follow you areound for a day. You always seem to make everything so fun! If you had your own reality show, I’d watch it.
I think I’d be so lost in a bar if I was stood up. You are my hero.
Hahaha. Sounds like an interesting night.
And today is also a good day because the Olympics begin! Eeeeeh!
You’re right, POMCOT(!) is ridiculous.
It reminds me of a campaigns class group project where a team member tried to force us into a plan that involved convincing Cadillac and Corvette to combine and create the Cavette. My head nearly exploded.