I’M FRIENDS WITH KELLY CLARKSON, MOTHERWHATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!

My legal representative is a rusty fork I keep in my desk drawer. Steal my shit and I'll hunt you down prong the hell out of you and it'll be really annoying and you'll need a tetanus shot and you might get lockjaw or something. So there. Don't do it.

This site was pimped out and designed with tons of sexy love by Shatterboxx Media.

I reserve the right to post only photos that capture brief glimpses of how attractive I could look if I stopped making terrible facial expressions and had the Britney Spears airbrushing team at my disposal. This includes shots from the archives before my metabolism told me to 'fuck off' and died. My blog, my rules. I didn't win sexiest blogger by posting any ole polaroid.