I have a dog blog (one that was just added to AllTop, I might add…yeeeeeaaaah!). That’s where all of my Calvin and Theo debauchery has moved, in case you were wondering. But yet, there are some stories that just aren’t fit for the upbeat, family-friendly styles of Who’s Your Dachshund.
This is one of those stories.
I just came back in the house after playing fetch with Calvin for about an hour. AN HOUR. That is a long time to spend throwing a tennis ball and watching a foot-and-a-half of dog frantically chase after it. It would’ve been more pleasant had I not felt so used. In fact, Calvin barely knew I was there. The entire time, his gaze was fixed on the ball, not once breaking to see the one who provided the ball and is throwing the ball and has committed to keeping him alive.
So I’m working on my macbook, winding down for the evening, when I notice that Calvin is lying at my feet, the tennis ball an inch from my toes, his eyes still burning holes into the side of it, waiting for my toes to twitch. Theo is asleep on the nearby dog pillow.
Whatever.
Typey, typey, typey…
About fifteen minutes pass before I look down again. Calvin is still in place like a freakishly determined and drooling statue. Yet, something is different. The ball hasn’t moved. Calvin hasn’t moved. My feet haven’t moved.
Oh wait – it’s Theo “Trouble” Boudreau, happily giving Calvin the doggie-style ride of his life. The same Calvin who doesn’t even notice because he’s too fixated on his tennis ball crack pipe.
I could’ve intervened, but if Calvin doesn’t learn to say ‘No’ today, then who’s going to keep him from getting preggo in some college dorm room when he’s older? Besides, better him than me.
But don’t worry, when Theo was all finished, I kicked the tennis ball down the hall. At least that way, everyone was happy.
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
Nory: Poor things. It won’t even be shocking by the time they start screwing up their lives.
Kidz Bop= every nanny’s nightmare. I had to listen to the horrible renditions of pop songs for two years straight in college.
And agreed, all these kids are LiLo and Britney wannabes/look alikes. It’s a slippery slope!
and betty ford’s adolescent wing.
i’ve had this awful song stuck in my head all day. not just the regular awful song, but the kids shouting version. thanks.
i think as payback, you should watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcOZ6xFxJqg
~trix
Ah yes. The very bright future of our youth. Sigh.
Kidz Bop is just plain awful. Nothing is worse than it. Some of the songs, I want to know how they edit them so they aren’t “innappropriate” for the age group of kids listening to them. I mean seriously, “Let It Rock” and all of the Britney and Pussycat Dolls stuff is BADDD.
And they killed my favorite song.
Anyone else want to murder all the kids that make this nightmare?!
omfg that video was AMAZING.
confession… somemtimes I listen to kids pop radio on aol. shhhh
I had never heard of this atrocity until now. Thanks for pointing it out and allowing me to have nightmares for the next seven weeks.
Also NPH is fabulous
hahaha. My 7 year old sister is already on this track! My parents can’t see it. She knows the words to Katy Perry’s I kissed a girl and already like to be topless…..
Yeah, I’ve seen those commercials too.
Although, I’ve never really given much thought to what the kids are crying over when they sleep at night.
Thanks for pointing that out to me.
I too would like to reap benefits from my children’s talents but now I know..not to push my kids toward child porn 101.
Thanks for the head’s up! *head nod*
I wonder what will be of them once they’re older.
those commercials always crepy me out, oy.
Good lord – I didn’t know this existed. Super creepy…
Song lyrics will continue to push the boundaries year after year … radio stations should come with appropriate ratings like TV.
NPH is the best ever. …along with that last sentence you wrote.
The reason that I like NPH is pretty simple: he can poke fun at himself. I LOVE that trait in anyone.
Kidz Bop … confuses me. If the songs are ok for kids to listen to, why not just put the real songs onto a CD? Does having other kids sing them make them that much better? Personally, when the kids sing it, I can understand all the words (unlike 75% of the music I hear on the radio these days) which makes me very unconfortable. Sure, they may not be singing about “licking it like a lollipop” *shudder* but singing about cursing the name of the father? I am still not ok with that.
I have a bit of a crush on Neil Patrick Harris despite the fact that a. I will never meet him and b. even if I did, my tits would not be enough to persuade him he’s not gay. On the flip side, I’m totally down with watching him make out with some other hot guy……..sorry, back from that little daydream. Back to *why* I have said crush: he just gets better and better looking as he gets older AND he can sing. *swoon*
This is probably going to make me sound really old but I remember listening to the Mini Pops when I was a kid. I think the Kidz Bop is the same idea. Not only are the Kidz Bop slutty and inappropriate, they’re entirely unoriginal as well.
Thanks for the enlightenment Ben! Clips like this reaffirm my decision to not have a TV!
KidzBop has pissed me off since I first heard of it. It’s one of those things that makes me scared to ever bring a child into the world. I want to protect all the children out there. There are more wholesome ways for kids to sing and have fun. There are more acceptable ways.
PS – Doogie Howser was probably one of the greatest shows of my childhood. Not to mention Neil Patrick Harris was in Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long!
my question is, what kind of parents would let their child be a kidzbop singer? i hope the money’s good enough to put them through therapy.
NPH is god. i hope you suit up just for him this weekend.
I dare you to tell me one thing wrong about hepatitis.
Didn’t think so.
Escalade power-wheel? Want.
omg, i have been groaning at those commercials/infomercials for years.
i just visited that website. how disturbing is “TAKE YOU THERE?” by Sean Kingston??? I’m disappointed they took out “sippin’ pina coladas”! I mean, the kids don’t necessarily know those are alocholic right?
ha.
See, all this time so many people thought Menudo was the devil, when really it’s been Kidz bop all along.
I find these things to be deeply disturbing. What will poor Tommy do to sustain is pre-pubescent crack habit once his balls drop and his voice is no longer useable? His parents will have horded all of his earnings to pay for their gambling debts. Sad.
Ha, you’re the second blogger this morning to briefly mention NPH.
I’m scared now that your post will influence my dreams tonight. I’m seriously hoping that Britney and Lindsay don’t show up.
Great, one more thing I have to worry about if we have kids. I am fairly certain I didn’t even LIKE boys at age 12, let alone know how to be raw with one.
And I have a secret to confess. I am pretty sure I’ve always had a crush on NPH. When I was in jr. high and he was on TV as a Dr., I thought it would be SO possible, if I got good enough grades, that I could one day work as a Dr. just like him and he’d be super impressed that I did it in real life and he’d want to kiss me and stuff. And even though he came out of the closet, it is one of the few times that I was a bit excited that a hot guy is gay. It made him that much hotter to me – maybe because I know that now I’ll NEVER get him (like I ever would if he played for my team!)
This is so disturbing on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin.
I think you need a “scarier disease”, that damn Pamela Anderson had made Hep look too glamorous.
Well, you know Crissy’s Girlfriend learned how to spell bananas from a song. It’s not ALL bad.
Right? Am I right?
I too had no idea such a thing as Kidz Bop existed. My soul has died a little. It’s so disgusting that parents are embedding the “values” of celebrity into their children at such a young age too. Happy Friday, Ben.
I didn’t know what this was, but I have a fairly good idea now. I can’t even come up with anything clever and assy. It honestly just makes me sad.
I didn’t even know what a “blow-job” was until I was, like, 12 or 13… AND THAT WAS NORMAL!!! I hate to go all “the kids today…” but seriously, the kids today…
This reminded me of your business card post with Neil Patrick Harris and I realized that is one of my top 3 blog posts I have ever read.
My best friend is student teaching in a elementary school music class…she heard a group of them singing Lil’ Wayne’s “Lollipop.”
My parents bought me the Kidsongs videos, which included Beach Boys hits and classics from movies because there’s nothing wrong with a bunch of kids skipping around an amusement park singing the Candyman song from Willy Wonka.
You crack me up!
I have two little girls (age almost 3 in two days & 5), so I know all about Kids Bop. You are right on target! I mean… I can't believe how fast they rearrange the new released songs for kids CD. Have you seen the commercial for Kids Bop? It's pretty funny, but makes you wonder, too.
Well it’s nice to know what my nightmares will be about in advance, I guess.
I actually had to cover a figure skating show this week and found the fact that 9-year-olds were skating to Pokerface and Just Dance, maybe less than tasteful. I stand corrected.
Oh my gosh, Mister knew about this and I didn’t….this is…
I think in about 3 years we’re going to have to boost funding to STD prevention programs in direct relation to the amount this was being advertised.
Lemme tell you, there is no thrill like explaining a Tatu video to a 10-year-old…I’ve never had to explain song lyrics, though. I won’t get started about the whole Kidz Bop phenomenon…
you’re 100% right about paying people to see Britney and Lindsey.
I had no idea that Kidz bop existed.