America, I’ll meet you in the bedroom. You deserve it after yesterday.
Results aside, the incredible voter turn-out and how engaged so many citizens were in their politics is an incredible sign for the future. Now if we do want to talk results, I’ve had chills and goosebumps since last night – I’m completely inspired.
What ISN’T cool about the results is how I’m no longer being flooded with marriage proposals from desperate Americans. This is truly sad indeed. Luckily, I did receive one and I am going to hold her to it even though she’s probably trying to retract it as we speak.
Sucker.
Here’s my future wife.
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Jules: I think I would have figured that out by now but yet, I'm not willing to put them in my mouth to conclude.
Moooooog: Call me.
Ashley: Shitty deal, right?
Mega: But..but…what if my fly goes down and my thing whips out and I get a girl pregnant??
Daisee: I TOTALLY get you.
Her: I'm going to start getting migraines.
Kate: I'm….hesitant.
Erin: COPYWRITE.
Stealthnerd: I know. It shouldn't take a undergrad and a masters, but apparently it does.
Rahul: Or comfy…doesn't it make some sort of chair?
Alice: hahahahaha
Hillary: I think we should all get together once and see if any of us get along.
LBluca: For me it's socks. What the FUCK happens in there to socks?
Sarah: Kick him in the groin. 'Cause that's where you keep your foot.
Amindinmotown: I think he has grown immune. Like chickenpox.
Wannabe: You may be called as a witness.
Phil: HI PHIL!
Kez: It's like…war strategy up in here.
Barbara: And then what do you do? 'Cause I'm good up until that point!
Karen: He folded. LITERALLY. Ha. I'm a genius.
Sue: I usually am.
Tia: Yeah baby.
OG: Ew. Ew. EW.
Robert: I wish I could take credit for that!
Maxie: You flirt…
Birdykins: YES!
I vote you do what I do… buy NEW underwear. You get a special prize for being lazy and then can blame it on him saying you thought you ran out when the clean laundry stopped coming… BRILLANCE!
Like it took this blog entry for me to picture you in your jockstrap.
Do you hand-pick the verification words for your comments section? Last week, for your whole scrotal-abnormalities rant, it was “styptic,” or some such thing. Today, for yet another consideration of Ben's junk, the word of the day is “packer.” You're a pistol, buddy…
I hate folding laundry with a passion – you defintely got the short end-o-stick on this one. I just leave it in a pile until I use it all.
When you have to start turning your underwear inside out…that's when you should start worrying.
i hope you're bringing all five of those pairs to vegas.
Looks like you're the one near breaking point, not the Newf.
Just sayin'.
Don't give in. He's gonna break any minute now.
I absolutely hate doing the laundry and since I'm the female in the house, I get the job. Like you, I leave the clean clothes on top of the dryer until they grow into a massive clean clothes pile and my boyfriend goes “baby, we have a laundry situation”
Aaaah. The good ol' Laundry Stand Off. Know that one well.
Good luck to ya.
It's been ages since I've gotten to read your stories, and wow, what a welcome back.
Yay for stereotypical gender roles. Love them. I hate cutting the grass its a “man's job”. I also hate any housework cause its a “woman's job”. Yaaayyy. That is why I had kids.
P.S. Underwear left unwashed by partner when said partner did a load of laundry and could have included you underwear is good enough for justifiable homicide. But you didn't hear that from me.
And this is why a pout face is needed.
I swear, it's like a magical device. One look and he melts. “But I don't want to walk the dog,” and BOOM, his ass is swiftly walking down three flights of steps with a little black pooch awaiting her nighttime shit.
Ah, relationships.
This actually had me laughing out loud. Especially the frog tangent.
Do you know what's more frustrating than having to do the folding part of the laundry? When your boyfriend then grabs his carefully folded stuff and deposits it in a heap on the floor instead of in the closet because “that's where I keep it!”
Public stoning indeed.
I don't mind doing laundry up until the folding and putting away. And why do shirts always come out of the dryer inside out. I hang them up/fold them inside out.
Sometimes instead of putting away the clean laundry I leave it in the laundry basket and just grab clothes from it as I need it. True story I am just way too lazy to put it away.
Sometimes I think that Shawn and I are the west coast Ben and Newf. I am currently sorting out all of Shawn's used underwear from the laundry until he learns to actually put his used underwear in the basket instead of leaving it on the floor for me to pick up (ps: the only reason I pick it up instead of leaving it on the floor in a mountain of used underwear is because I can't afford the surgery to have used underwear removed from the pups' tummies.) Shawn is currently going commando. So … stalemate. I can only hope for a zipper incident to return things to their normal state. Not like a horrible zipper incident; I mean, I still want everything in working order. Just a bad enough zipper incident to make him realize that wearing underwear is a positive thing and he should start doing things my way.
I used to have a dishwasher, but we broke up.
Hey-o!
I had to do my own dishes for a few years but now I have a have a real machine – so I agree that putting the dishes in is really not that hard.
You fold laundry?
I just throw it in a pile. Easier to sort. Awkward for dates.
I'm totally with you on the dishwasher thing. The dishwasher is right below the counter where the dishes are sitting. As long as it isn't full, I don't see why it's so tricky to just open the door and put the dishes in.
this is hilarious. i especially like your use of the word poopturd. made me laugh out loud =)
COMMANDO, brother. DO IT.
I totally milk this division of labor thing, and if that fails, I get a headache or something. It works–the garbage somehow gets out, the pups go out in the pouring rain, dinner gets made, so does the bed. Wait…what do I do?
I'm kidding–I do a lot–but it is nice telling him it's his job just because.
We have this same stalemate. My husband gets up in the morning, takes off his underthings and changes to go for a run. He leaves said underthings next to the bed and NOT in the hamper a few steps away because “I don't want to wake you honey.” Which makes perfect sense, right? So I refuse to pick them up (which I did for like a hundred years before getting appropriately pissed enough to deal with a pile of underpants in my room rather than pick them up every day). He won't pick them up now just to annoy me. So stalemate.
His mom is here right now helping with our baby. I'm pretty sure she wonders why we keep a collection of used underpants next to the bed.
Solution: go commando.
1) You are wonderful and this made my day
2) I rely on the gender roles to get the garbage taken to the curb
3) goddamnit, i hate folding and distributing laundry,
Yes. I just pictured you in a jock strap.
Thanks so much for that.
Um, those aren't the EDIBLE briefs, right? Do they fall apart by the end of the day?
Nevermind.