Devil in a blue dress with a fish face

Because we are all adults now with more and more pressures being put on us each day, my group of friends has resorted to desperate measures to enforce regular social activity upon us. This is only after realizing that “we’ll see you when we see you!” actually meant, “we’ll see you only when I pull out a Dorito whose cheese-powder pattern reminds me of your bone structure”.

The first event of what is being called The Adventure Series was, of course, getting pounded by Nature’s version of Mike Tyson. The second took place on Friday night, changing the series’ title to Let’s See Who Can Die of Hypothermia First, as we all met downtown for the Halifax Ghost Walk.

We started up on Citadel Hill, Halifax’s old fort to defend our city from zombies and ugly people in the 18th century. This is a fact. Or, if nothing else, a much more interesting twist on an otherwise unremarkable historic fact. I make history sexier. Today, the fortress still stands as one of the most popular parks in Canada and a safe haven for gay hustlers and the old, lonely men who love them ever so much.

I think we all remember when my friend realized what he was worth on an evening run…

So there we were, listening to the first tales of woe and misery. At least I assume that’s what we were listening to because I was too distracted by the number of cars driving by at that time of night, each driver no doubt thinking, that’s the biggest group of prostitutes I’ve EVER seen! Plus Nick and I were busy seeing how many different intros to Janet Jackson songs we could beat-box. As it turns out, if you can do one, you can do ‘em all.

Oh. And it was cold.

My favourite story was the one about the wedding dress (did you know that the white wedding dress tradition started in Nova Scotia?) that killed the grooms of whoever was getting married in it. Well, it only killed twice but I guess when it comes to a murderous wedding dress, that’s more than enough to set a precedent.

It was my favourite mainly because when the story ended in a haunting chill of something along the lines of, and then it sank to the bottom of the sea – its final resting place, Nick blurted out: “It was probably a Vera Wang. That’s the only kind of dress that can kill with every sashay”.

The tour ended down on a wharf on the waterfront with a story about a man who died mysteriously just hours after claiming to have had the devil appear to him. Now, this isn’t East Coast enough for a Halifax Ghost Tour so of course, the devil appeared to him in the form of a Halibut. For those of you who aren’t familiar, a halibut is this:
Spooooooooooky…right?

In all fairness, it was a fun night if for no other reason than it brought us all together again, shivering in a cluster in order to retain body heat and to sneak some second base when others weren’t paying attention. Plus $10 each for two hours was a pretty good deal.

Event three is coming up on Saturday when we drive out to the country to do the haunted corn maze. I’ve done the non-haunted corn maze twice before, once breaking in only to get lost for three and a half hours, but that’s a story for another time. So I can expect the same but with costumed actors running around like serial killers just to make sure that the corn maze sees more heart attacks than ever before.

Oh. And it’ll probably be freezing.