I like ducks.
(No, there is no typo in that sentence)
Ducks are pretty rad as far as the animal kingdom is concerned. While they may not be the fastest, the smartest, the most talented, the fiercest or the anythingest, they’ve still managed to be major crowd pleasers on almost every continent in the world – not Antartica…and don’t suggest it to them ’cause they’d be all, “Is you frontin’? That place is COLD. You’re QUACK!”
(Get it? I turned Whack into Quack? 50 pun points for me)
My fondness of mallards and their ho’s is for many reasons. Among them? Ducks love their carbs. They will eat bread all goddamn day if you let them. They’ll eat it until you run out of bread. Or until their bellies explode. And they’re not like pigeons that get all up in your space when you’re trying to eat a sandwich with their diseasey eyes and their chewed off feet and their giant breasts that are CLEARLY fake. You’re not fooling anyone, pigeon!
I think about ducks far more than I should. Maybe I identify with their adorable, bread-loving lifestyle. Maybe I’m just a duck in my own little feces-ridden pond called life. Or maybe, ducks are just awesome and I am absolutely nothing like them. Maybe.
Over the past two months, the newf and I have had AT LEAST twelve discussions about whether ducks can land on solid ground or if they need water. It’s just one of those things that I get fixated on like my friend who thinks about skates running over people’s fingers on a daily basis. The newf had never seen a duck touch down on land and while he’s no duck expert by any means (Are there such people? Can I be one? Hey Doctor Duck, call me?), I assumed that since neither of us had witnessed such an event, it must be impossible.
Enter the WikiAnswers. Finally this burning question taking up at least 38% of my brain capacity at all times would be answered. And it was….ish…
I can has more details, plz?
But yet no additional details can be found.
And so I will continue to wonder if we will ever truly unlock the secrets of the duck.
Unlike those stupid buggery pigeons…HAVE THEY NO SHAME??
[I will love you forever if you find more information on this of all important issues. However, be warned that your answer better not include that science mumbo jumbo...we all know how I feel about that hogwash.]
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
My closest male friend in Prague is from Chicago and he says it all the time. I evidently spent too much time with him because I noticed that I do it in writing sometimes when talking with my cousin (a fellow Canadian.) This is confusing for all parties — and ups my self-loathing to dangerously high levels — and needs to stop.
I'm always teasing my American friends over their usage of 'right.' Makes me laugh every time!
Most people I know back home in Minnesota just say “I know!” (Or “Oh, I know!” elongating the o's like a good Minnesotan should).
I didn't hear any of this “right?!” business until I moved to Wisconsin and listened to people fro
the Milwaukee and Chicago areas.
So yeah, I don't “right?!” either!
LOL! How funny! I bet you two together are a flippin riot!!!!!
I didn't really notice the “right?” thing until I moved to California. If that helps.
Twilight!!!
Tacos!!!
RIGHT!!!
=)
it's a sickness… we can't help it;)
I'm all about …RIII-EEEEEGHT!?!??!
I don think I say “right” very often. Hmmm….Now, I'm going to have to pay attention to myself. Does this make me a bad American?
Ah yes, the Yankee “right?” Almost as weird as the Yankee “hey?” As in, “this is a lot of fun, hey?”
Its Americans in General.
Person 1: “Ben is the greatest blogger in the world!”
Person 2: “Right?!” or “I know right?!”
The phrase “I know, right?!” is so annoying, and I want to smack myself every time I accidently say it.
what an adorable post. seriously.
But it all worked itself out in the end…right?
too funny! welcome to cali.. im in orange county!
Hilarious! I say “I know, right?!” like Jamie sometimes myself.
I'm just now catching on to the “Dude!” Which means that someone agrees with me, while I'm looking around going, “Where?!”
Also, see:
“Totes magotes!”
and
“For realsies!”
hahah I say, “I know! Right?!”
Eh?
I think it's reasonable to say that your comment box is about to be inundated with quips on your new discovery.
… Right?
Haha, right?! I guess it's American because I say it a lot… Now that I think about it, it's kind of overwhelming because after you don't get a response for that first “right?” it comes out again but as a stronger “RIIIGHT?!” and then if you're really excited and have to say it a third time, it might come with a slap on the arm “RIGHT?!?!?!”
Yeah. Right.
Damn, I need more sleep.
Right?