I have a dog blog (one that was just added to AllTop, I might add...yeeeeeaaaah!). That's where all of my Calvin and Theo debauchery has moved, in case you were wondering. But yet, there are some stories that just aren't fit for the upbeat, family-friendly styles of Who's Your Dachshund.This is one of those stories.
I just came back in the house after playing fetch with Calvin for about an hour. AN HOUR. That is a long time to spend throwing a tennis ball and watching a foot-and-a-half of dog frantically chase after it. It would've been more pleasant had I not felt so used. In fact, Calvin barely knew I was there. The entire time, his gaze was fixed on the ball, not once breaking to see the one who provided the ball and is throwing the ball and has committed to keeping him alive.
So I'm working on my macbook, winding down for the evening, when I notice that Calvin is lying at my feet, the tennis ball an inch from my toes, his eyes still burning holes into the side of it, waiting for my toes to twitch. Theo is asleep on the nearby dog pillow.
Whatever.
Typey, typey, typey...
About fifteen minutes pass before I look down again. Calvin is still in place like a freakishly determined and drooling statue. Yet, something is different. The ball hasn't moved. Calvin hasn't moved. My feet haven't moved.
Oh wait - it's Theo "Trouble" Boudreau, happily giving Calvin the doggie-style ride of his life. The same Calvin who doesn't even notice because he's too fixated on his tennis ball crack pipe.
I could've intervened, but if Calvin doesn't learn to say 'No' today, then who's going to keep him from getting preggo in some college dorm room when he's older? Besides, better him than me.
But don't worry, when Theo was all finished, I kicked the tennis ball down the hall. At least that way, everyone was happy.
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40 comments:
You are right, you need to teach them when they are young! =)
its way too early to be giggling but i totally just giggled at the thought of the violation occuring. That Calvin has dedication. Or just extremely desensitized.
it is the only way they will learn.
I give you credit for not laughing and ruining the whole thing!
Congrats on the add to AllTop!!
Behold, the joy of having multiple pets.
Haha. Oh, the joys of having more than one pet.
My sister's dogs do the same thing, but one is a girl and one is a boy. The girl is the instigator, though..
When I had two dogs they fought all the time.
It's better your way.
Believe it.
My rabbit (Greg) is totally in lust with my cat (Wills) and will try to give him hot bunny luv if we let him out of his bunny house and Wills doesn't go hide in the closet. Nevermind that Greg is usually wildly humping the middle of Wills' tummy which does not quell his ardor at all... but Greg is not a gentle luv machine and tears out tufts of Wills' fur whilst Wills looks at us like "I hope you are prepared to clean up the mess he's gonna make, because I am NOT cleanin' THAT up...."
LOL, that's great. You should see the spayed female dog hump the female cat.
Auburn: Exactly. I'm not raising another Jamie Lynn Spears.
Notthelifeiordered: I'd be more upset if Calvin had been more upset...but alas...
DMB: Hopefully I will sort all this out before I have children. Dogs are a good trial run.
-a: You know what? After a certain amount of time with pets, they fail to get a rise out of you no matter how hard they try.
Jenn: Thanks! I'm batting 2 for 2!
Aine: It's a twisted little sitcom...
EP: I should be more supportive of my little gay dogs, I suppose.
Ken: I completely agree. We're a family of lovers, not fighters.
Adminderella: Now that, I would really, really like to see. My bunny never humped anyone. He was just kinda dumb but bouncy.
Dutchess: Haha that's unexpected!
I get the feeling that Dachshund sex is the cutest/weirdest thing ever! Kind of like midget porn, but furrier.....*cough*...at least that is what I have heard....
I think I feel a little violated for them. Must go wash my eyeballs out with soap.
oh..man...
hahahaha
hahahaha...good story with my morning coffee
hahahahaha! who doesn't love a good dog humping story?!
Ha ha ha. This so brought back memories. I used to have two dogs and one would do the same thing to my poor little snookems when she would be there fixated on something else while my other dog violated her.
You're right you've got to let them learn to say "no" themselves..
Congrats on the add to AllTop by the way! :)
I feel like I just read the weenie version of "Million Little Pieces."
I have to say I'm less traumatized w/this version.
hahaha, I'm glad Bogey's not the only one that's given another dog a "doggie-style ride of his life".
wait, does that mean I can't say "whore" on our WYD blog? because if not, I may need to edit a post :x
Hahaha! Oh, that's a familiar scene at my house, but I think it is finally tapering off now that Radish has been spayed.
Winston started doing this to Edie this morning and I like freaked out on him. I know it's what dogs do but she is my baby! She's just a pup. She shouldn't be subjected to Winston trying to violate her!
I'm Jamie and I'm a psycho dog mom.
Fucking hilarious. I'm not sure if non-dog owners laughed at much at the hilarity of your whole day as I did. But, I was laughing. Hard. Because my dog? Would do the same thing (with the ball, not with another dog - because she's much more lady-like than that!).
Rachel: It's pretty hilarious. It happened again just now in the office...with witnesses. Much more embarrassing for all parties involved.
Kate:That's totally fair.
Deutlich: My life.
Marie: If you say so hahaha
Mental360: I can make it into a full series if you'd like!
MissTiff: I think it's something you just get used to like picking up dog poop. And thanks!
Heather: Haha glad to hear it!
MissBurb: lol I'll stand by your foul-mouth.
Elizabeth: Mine are both neutered...not to mention BOYS. Ah well..
Jamie: You SO play favourites! If she humped HIM it'd be "Ohhh Winston is so rude because he wouldn't let my baby hump him." Send Winston to me for some real love.
Nilsa: I'll bet she's lady like...some day, she'll do a big public humping and you'll know how I feel on the regular.
i always freak out when my dog licks my cats butt... too gross. I'm glad you can handle the humping. LOL
I'm pretty sure if you are within 6 inches of the act it is considered a three-some.
Hilarious. I'm quite impressed with Calvin's ability to focus.
Dog porn. This blog needs a NSFW tag.
hehehe, doggie boning makes me blush and giggle.
My neighbor has a mini weiner dog and it's got the best personality.
I know that look of determination and focus on a tennis ball. That's the look Dylan always has for me. Especially when I go for a swim in the pool, he thinks the real reason I want to swim is so I can throw the ball for him.
One time I caught my neighbor's dog humping Stella. I freaked out and kicked the dog in the balls. She was virgin before that and I could tell she felt violated when she hid under the couch. At least Calvin took it like a champ.
Awww... And I agree, if not, they get old and still don't behave. My cocker is 14 years old and she still eats crayons and Barbies.
No Means NO!
haha, wow.
Maxie: Hahaha don't even get me started on the orifice licking.
Narm: Find me that rule in print or I won't believe it. I probably still won't believe it because that would upset me in ways I can't describe. Ben "I like to watch" Boudreau is acceptable though.
Megkathleen: ME TOO! Cripes...I don't know if there's anything that could keep me so distracted.
RS27: I'll keep that in mind for next time.
Lyla: Hahaha that's normal
DrZIbbs: They're awesome. They have their quirks but are really great dogs.
Phil: Dogs are great like that. Humans serve their purpose. Food, laps, ball-throwing.
Dolce: Calvin couldn't care less. Theo has been super humpy lately...not sure why. It's either a dominance thing or he's just got pent up energy.
Andy: See? SEE? That's exactly what I'm talking about hahaha.
Matt: You said it!
Brooke: Yeah...I went there...
woo to alltop, you guys are famous. don't forget us little people here okay :)
haha my mum's dog (female) often humps my dog (female) to show her who's boss...she lives a very progressive lifestyle.
Katelin: Thanks!! Actually, NOR has been on alltop for ages and I barely get any traffic from it haha. Nice to know they think I'm 'worthy'.
Kez: Hahaha I try so hard to be progressive here...I really do...
hilarious!
We had an incident where my brother in law's French Bulldog was trying to hump Macho. It was a sight to see.
It's been a few days since I read your blog and had no idea you wrote about this. If you browsed it before scheduling it, you'll know that I wrote about this subject for WYD. Lol...
Horny dachshunds....
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