"I'm up for a scholarship that'll pay for me study abroad for four months."
It was a lie. A big lie. Maybe one of the biggest I've ever told. I used to lie a lot - a childish habit commonly associated with daydreamers.
When you move around as a kid, you have the opportunity to rewrite your own history time and time again. The temptation was more than I could handle. My lies were always modest, based-on-a-true-story type lies. Nothing as extreme as this one.
This one last big lie that would set me free.
The blank stare that met my fake but nonetheless exciting news was deafening.
"So...you're leaving?"
"I'm definitely thinking about it. I mean, it's a great opportunity for me, don't you think?"
"So you're leaving."
"Nothing is for sure yet. You're not as excited for me as I expected."
"You're the one turning your back on me. What am I supposed to do? What do I mean to you if you can just run off and..."
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Please, please don't leave me. I need you. You can't leave me. I'll die without you." Desperate now. Selfish. Controlling. Terrified.
I had my answer.
So I was leaving.
[Edit: Thanks to the crew at 20SB for including this piece as part of their Tests-themed Blog Carnival. Take a look at the other great posts here.]
Monday, April 21, 2008
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16 comments:
a childish habit commonly associated with daydreamers. I love that line, Ben. So so true.
I may not understand everything behind the post, but I love what you did. You're ballsy. I like it.
Thank you and thank you.
Just some thoughts from a chapter in my life closed and thrown away for the better.
I always told those little kind of lies, too. And really wanted to make up something ridiculous for my background when I came to college.
And if I had that conversation, I would have done the same thing. Way to know what you need to do.
exes are the bad penny versions of memories.
they keep showing up and at inopportune times. invoking them yourself seems wise. and well-written, too.
and i'm not making any sense because it's 1:54 a.m. sigh. oh well.
EP: Thanks doll. The lying has since been thrown to the wayside but in that instance, it seemed like the right thing to do.
DrBolte: You made plenty of sense to me! I agree and thank you.
Shouldn't that be cents? Ha!
Recent reader of your blog, first time commenter. I really enjoy the free flowing, poetic form of your writing. It's kind of refreshing amid some of the more mundane, expository blogs that I've come across.
I had to say things like that to make a clean break from my hometown. I don't regret a bit of it.
wait, you told someone that you were going out of the country to break up with them? I think I might be confused.
If you did, then that is pretty cool.
I say that because I'm mean.
Hahahaha more to figure out where their priorities lay. The last "leaving" is in reference to the relationship and the scenario versus a literal depature of the country.
There. That's the blunt, straight-up version.
I still sound mean but hey, this is a small snapshot of a lousy situation.
every once in a while, we all just gotta lie.
wow.
Sometimes lies help us. Apparently, this one helped you. So hooray for lying...when it needs to be done.
I like how enigmatic this post it!
...when was the last time i told the truth??...
i blame you for my lying habit.
hehe
bitch
please don't ever change. life would be so dull ;)
Sometimes we need to use an undesirable mode of transportation to take us where we need to go.
Leigh: Ummmmm...YOU started it.
RM: You said it better than I could. Thank you.
Everyone else, I've given up the lies for the sake of my future relationships but just understand that this one was toxic enough without my help.
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