So V-Day approaches once again, hm?
.....
VALENTINE'S Day, you sickos.
You're all gross.
The big day of love, romance and i-just-bought-you-dinner-so-you-have-to-put-out-even-though-it's-not-Friday is just around the corner. That means that girls all around the world have already laid passive aggressive traps, setting their boyfriends up for failure mostly so that they don't have to make good on the bi-annual blowjob.
It also means that boyfriends all around the world have the stress sweats from trying to deduce exactly which gift their girlfriends want from subtle facial cues of which seven out of ten are misdirects to test exactly how much she means to him because putting him through The Crazy is what he should endure to prove his love.
Get her the chocolates? You're trying to make her fat.
Get her the lingerie? You're trying to make her a slut.
Take her to dinner? You're going to end up saying something stupid.
Do nothing at all in hopes of not stepping on the emotional landmine? How dare you not even try!
For the record, I think you're all bloody nuts.
My Valentine's Days? Not to brag, but they're kind of perfect. We pick out a boxset of 80s cartoons, order pizza, and drink. No gifts, no preconceived notions, no fights. Just ThunderCats, He-Man, She-Ra, G.I. Joe, and Silverhawks.
Badass, right?
Much better than the days where I saved Valentines Day for break-ups.
Oh calm down, you overemotional pansies - it only happened twice. And once was because I forgot about the time difference and didn't stop to think what date it would be when he received the email. Yes. I dumped someone via email. I take full responsibility for that. The fact that it ended up happening on Valentine's Day is so not my fault. I blame the universe.
So in honour of this mighty day of love and disappointment and the fact that I clearly am the Valedictorian of Relationships At Least On This One Important Day of the Year, I invite all of you to post your love, romance and sex questions in the comments section, all of which will be answered, the best of which will be answered on video in the next episode of Special Pleading which is being filmed this week.
Need I remind you of all the problems I solved in my Cosmo advice vlog?
I thought not.
Photo credit: Lel4nd
Posts
