Unlike what seems to be the rest of the known universe, not once have I reached that euphoric place after watching one of her movies where I want to love her up whilst waving the American flag with a bald eagle soaring above, clutching a terrorist in its talons. As much as I'd love to love her, I just...can't.
If given the choice, I would never watch another movie about a neurotic, ugly-pretty, professional girl who overcomes her personality disorders through the act of falling in love with men in SHOCKING twists that even a deaf, mute, blind, half-witted hobo living under a rock in the Himalayas can see coming. Unless of course Anne Hathaway is starring.
And now everyone's all, 'Aren't you dying to see The Blind Side?!?!?!'
And I'm all, 'Sandra Bullock plus Football equals GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE, FREAK.'
Sandra - you had your chance time and time again. I don't care if this movie is supposed to be all 'legit'. If your main argument for me to see your movie is, "For once I'm NOT the same character as all my other movies!", which I presume it is, you deserve a punch in the face because...um...hi...'I'm finally not mediocre and forgettable'? That ain't nothin' to be proud of.
Plus I've heard it doesn't even feature a sexually tense locker room scene with Ryan Reynolds OR Bradley Cooper. For shame, Sandy. For shame. Way to hate gay people.
To be fair, I'm sure Sandra is quite lovely. She seems funny in interviews, loves dogs and has a refreshing self-deprecating sense of humour that I can totally get behind. I mean...accepting Worst Actress at the Razzies in person? Hats off to you, sister.
But holy shit...can she not just pull it together and play an awesome role that we can all really love instead of cop turned pageant model turned secretary turned boss turned activist turned lawyer turned beautiful turned love interest turned happily ever after. Or worse...whatever unholy mess she was in All About Steve.
Yes. I sat through it.
No. Bradley didn't take off his shirt nearly enough to make it okay.
So yeah. I'm just throwing it out there even though I know many of you won't want to hear it. I'm pretty sure hating on Sandra Bullock is about as bad as hating Obama, Gay Marriage and Target combined. But hey - pushing the envelope means taking a stance, making a statement and not censoring yourself. Which is why I should also mention that I hate these baby ducks.
Look at them. All fluffy and adorable and cuter than you. What a bunch of arrogant pricks...
(That's a lie. The ducks are awesome. They should be in the next Hugh Grant movie - then I'd watch it.)
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